If you’ve ever watched a rom-com or read a Cosmopolitan-like magazine, you should know very well that the dating world is determined by one and one rule only: the rule of three days. But sometimes those three days pass and then come another three, well, it starts getting too late awfully fast, doesn’t it? And then a sudden realization comes: he will never call you again.
All of us have been a girl who waits – or at least have known one. There are countless songs about her too, songs and stories, and all manner of sadness about it. It is important to stress that I am not referring to one night stands that didn’t work out or bad dates though; for me, the girl who waits will always be that poor thing someone asked for her number but never bothered to use it.
The Internet is full of wonderful tips on how not to become one. Does it really help, knowing you could have avoided it or being ready to take all the blame? Wouldn’t we all just rather… know why we were stood up so brutally?
I have never had the pleasure to experience life as a man – I have also never stood someone up without a word of explanation. So I did the only thing I could. I asked the guys around me. And here are the eight types I have distinguished from them.
Disclaimer: Please acknowledge the fact that I am not trying to excuse this sort of attitude. Personally I strongly believe that bitter truth is always better than sweet oblivion and have very little to no empathy for someone who doesn’t even bother to text a simple I am sorry. Not that I find them evil beasts or something, I just think they are being unintentionally and unnecessarily cruel.
Disclaimer 2: This post is very heavily boy to girl relationship focused, since I am a girl and thus my experiences have always been heterosexual. But don’t worry. All the other combinations, straight or otherwise, can be equally applicable.
He never called back because once sober he realized the girl was just awfully ugly
In Poland we have an old-fashioned sexist saying: there are no ugly women, sometimes there is just not enough wine. But it seems like once again the old sayings are not quite on point. I expected this one to be way more popular – which probably says something awful about me. To my surprise this version is rather rare. So either the guys I know hook up only with supermodels or there is way more to the art of drinking and asking for numbers than I imagined.
He never called back because once sober he realized the girl was just too beautiful
Alcohol does give an average person something around +3 to bravery. But once it is gone and forgotten, sometimes we are left with a… well… problem? Issue? Situation, maybe, that our own level of courage cannot cope with.
Think about all those people you never approached because you felt intimidated and you thought they were way out of your league. Would it be really be that much easier to call them if their number magically appeared in your phone one morning?
He never called back because the sole reason he took her number was to avoid an uncomfortable situation
The current socio-political situation bombards us with never ending statistics on how miserable women’s lives are. But regardless of our opinion on that topic most of us struggle with something completely different – realizing that men are also part of society and they are also exposed to an unbelievable amount of rules, regulations and expectations.
Oh come on, we expect them to ask for our numbers. Not because we are desperate, no, don’t get me wrong. This is just a thing that happens. This unspoken pattern we all follow kind of unwillingly. It doesn’t matter why, we just do.
If any of you have ever been under pressure to conform to social standards – and I envy you if you haven’t – you know exactly what goes through a guy’s head at this time. It is not only the notion of fulfilling your duty as a man, or sometimes it has nothing to do with it at all. It is the consequences. What happens if he doesn’t ask? Will she ask him instead? Look at him with puppy eyes? What happens when the expected is just not happening?
He never called back because… just no
Some of the guys I asked this question couldn’t tell me why they never called some of the girls back. It was not a matter of being embarrassed or hiding something – they had pretty good stories about other ones. That was their answer: just no.
You have to trust me on that one – I tried to push for details but at the end I had to accept that there was just nothing else to say.
He never called back because she was just a tease
Pop culture makes us believe that men are heartless predators ready to feed on innocent girls’ souls. But that is not true; and sometimes even the biggest Casanova finds himself in a heart-threatening situation.
Sometimes he doesn’t call you back because he is scared you’ll break his heart.
Or he knows it is just a game; fun at first but dangerous as it progresses. Two responsible adults having a bit of a laugh and never coming back to it again. He doesn’t think you are waiting. And you probably aren’t, are you?
He never called back because he just collects phone numbers
I used to think that a number collector is a myth – that no one in their sane mind would walk around asking girl’s for their phone numbers just to keep them in their phone as a trophy. That sounds like a bad high school rom com, doesn’t it?
And then I met one. The Collector. 300 numbers and going; he stopped using names and now makes nicknames up, because somewhere around Katie 10 it started to look ridiculous. How to avoid one? You cannot. I just sincerely hope none of them will ever come your way.
He never called back but he did block her number
By far my favourite response I got was a story of a guy who took girl’s number just to block it on his and his girlfriend’s phone. It is an unusual situation, I admit, but worth mentioning. She was a crazy one, you know. We all know a crazy one. We all avoid giving her any signals, yet she still finds them.
That is a particularly cruel way to deal with the situation, but I was assured it worked just fine. Did the crazy girl ever try to contact him? My guess is: no. This guess however does not account for a paranoid mind.
He never called back because he was scared
Women do not have a monopoly on feeling insecure. Every person is capable of that; we are all vulnerable to low self-esteem and doubting ourselves. It is great if we don’t – if we are always 100% confident in ourselves. But that is not the case, is it?
What if he was just scared of failing? What if he didn’t want to challenge himself just in case he fails? Shame on him, some would say, or even: girl, you wouldn’t want one like this anyway. But for me he is the only man who never called back who deserves a bit of sympathy and understanding, and maybe, even maybe, a second chance.
Because sometimes he does call. He calls but it is too late, because not only three days have passed, but sometimes weeks and even months. He masters his courage only to realize there is nothing left for him to fight for.
What is your experience with this part of the dating world? Have you ever been a girl who waits? Or even more: have you ever been a man who never called back and have been feeling awfully uncomfortable with me referring to you as a girl for the last thousand words? Please let me know. Because the more stories we get, the better our understanding is – and the waiting becomes so much less painful too.