If there is one thing I struggle most with – it is taking a break.
Some of you will be unavoidably puzzled by that statement, and oh how I envy you and your break-full lives. But there are some of you who must have thought: Yeah, this bun has a point. All of you perfectionists, planners, to-do-listers, completionists, control freaks, workaholics, busy bodies, the list is endless. Because as natural and basic the need to rest is, as diverse are the flavours of people who learnt to be without.
At one point in my life I stopped kidding myself that this is in any way, shape or form fixable. It is not like I am… not functioning. I just function in my own way. My own way may be destructive, but it is my way and… I’ll stop myself right here. Mostly because of the fact I simply do not know if my inability to take a break is actually an inherently bad or good thing.
I have no clue if it is ok to suck at giving myself some rest.
I just know I suck at it.
But whether you are just like me or simply intrigued by how alien the concept of riding oneself to death seems to you, I hope you enjoy this little story of how I managed to screw myself over one. more. bloody. time. [Read more…]